washing the rock again …
I guess ultimately in our own minds were never wrong. We look for ways to justify the things we do that we know are wrong. We figure that if we can convince someone else that what were doing isnt really so bad then it must be okay. Reason, we`ve in a sense confessed and obsolved oursleves before another. Is it to save face to appear that we are not weak ? Or is it something more intimate and personal. Like appeasing our own beloved ego. Assuring ourselves in some small way that we are not like them. Not like the others who are weak and pitiful,pathetic and undeserving. Why should I so much as lift a finger to help another ? What have they done for me for that matter. I dont know them, there is no connection to them, they are an unkown, someone different. Little white lies dont hurt anyone. Im just getting the job done. Just getting by, just like my neighbor, and the person in the cubicle next to me. Remember though they dont matter, we dont like them this week. Or that person who crossed me yesterday, how dare they do this to me, right ? Of course its a different story when we come home, to our place of solace. Thank whatever god we believe in at last Im home. Of course home is where the heart is. Lately home is alittle empty, alittle too quiet as of late. Maybe theres something good on t.v., alittle something to shut out the recurring thoughts in my head. I mean you know man, if I could just get this one thing, why everything else would be just fine. It doesnt really matter what the latest obsession is, just so long as I can possess it. Then its mine. It will fill the holes, make me whole again, at least for alittle while. I often hear that quiet dark voice, whispering to me. I often try to ignore it, its always the worst though at night, again when Im by myself, sitting there just starring out the window, wondering why me, why do I have to be alone ?
S.
