how much stuff do you own ?…

So, I`m reading a book called ‘hooked’ right now, its about consumerism and materialism in our society. Its pretty amusing and interesting. One point the first author brought up is, `How much stuff do you own ?` He points out that a friend of his who used to be a bank manager and who also is definitely not poor, has six-hundred items in his home. Thats six-hundred items total all inclusive. Pretty impressive eh ? Myself I think I have six hundred cd`s, not to mention all the other crap I own. Or I should say owns me. So as alittle interesting experiment make a list or catalogue of everything you own. Then after that megalithic tome is finished see what you have that you really don`t need. I think you`ll be pretty suprised. Myself I know there`s a ton of things I could get rid of. I usually do a culling of everything I own about once a year. Food for thought.

Enjoy,

S.

standing at the crossroads…

I’ve come to this point again in my life, and as usual I`m standing at the crossroads. The difference is I know how I got here this time. Before I simply didn’t care. What a difference alittle difference does make. Part of it started out pushing and pushing, then pushing so hard I forgot why I even started. As always the journey is really what is important not the end result. The sad thing is, there really is no future in where I`m going. Yet here I am again. A lesson unlearned I suppose. I`m just tired. Thats all there really is to it, I`m just tired. All the effort put forth is just washing a rock. Pointless.

S.

personal observations…

I haven`t said anything here for awhile, not on purpose just haven`t had anything to say lately. I went on retreat, which was very good for me, mentally and spiritually. I`ve noticed that since I`ve come back there is a sort of dull low level dissatisfaction permeating just about everyone. I never really noticed it until I came back. I know exactly why I`ve never noticed it, I was always so busy hating everything and everyone within visual range of me. Granted that was years ago, and I`ve gotten much better since then. Still after the retreat things have changed inside my mind. I am much more at peace, with myself and my surroundings. It was kind of funny watching everyone running around going here and there my first day back. I was sort of thinking where are they going ? The stationary building will still be there in twenty minutes. One thing that holds true for me throughout this journey thus far, if that which thou seekest thou find it not within thee, thou shalt never find it without. Very true. I guess thats about all for now.

S. 

cathode-ray comatose…

I stood there right next to you hearing the same words spoken by the same person. I listen and understand what was said. In each situation, we have a choice in what we will do next. You can react or take a moment or two to decide what you want to do. Yet the moment passes all so quickly. Rather than experiencing the moment, the choice was made to block it out and put up a wall of defense. As I said I was there and experienced the same thing. My action was to remain calm and open to the situation as it unfolds. To see what the moment has to offer. Too much time has been spent hiding from what is right in front of us. The pain and anguish held inside is twice as bad as the wall of resentment presented. When rightly understood the release will cleanse the waters of the inner depths. This is a journey that must be trekked out alone. The path will shake the foundations of belief and reason. As the caterpillar arises from the cocoon transformed, so too will the aspirant transform as does the phoenix from ashes. Yet once the moment has ended and the day moves on, there is still a recurring return to the past. An anchoring of something that no longer holds value and weight. A negative loop is created that runs like a self-collapsing maze. The silence of the mind is the only key to unlock.

S.

fairwell my fairweather friends…

The time is long overdue for me to say this and finally mean it. I know you and you know me sort of. The weather is changing and so have I. These illusory bonds that we have are stale and useless. The supposed common ground that we stood on was not common at all. There really is and was nothing I could do for or offer you. The sad part is I really believed there was at one time. The fog has lifted and cleared from my mind. I see that we really are just two people standing in the same room. This has been the situation all along. Call it lack of trust, call it abandonment, in the end when one is left standing your wish would always be that it was you. My fault in this part was wishing and hoping that you would learn the meaning of compassion and sacrifice to the ends of a greater self-realization. The shallow bitter taste left in my mouth was the truth of the situation. For the day and age that we live in, altruism is really a shallow grave death sentence. So it comes to this were I cast off my mooring lines and sail to the other shore. I`m wondering, and I`m wondering…

S.

you should read this…

“For meaning to be effective it must be shared meaning that binds people together in common responsibilities and reciprocal moral relationships. Consumerism is a shared belief but it leaves one psychologically isolated, for it is based upon freedom without responsibility. The attempt to create meaning in consumerism, to spiritualize consumerism, fails because its utopian promise of perfect happiness and health cannot be achieved in this world, and therefore happiness and health remain transitory, as anxiety, suffering, and death constantly remind us.”

// Richard Stivers, from “Ethical Individualism and Moral Collectivism in America”

i require thirty pieces of silver…

Of course as many of you may know The Dalai Lama has been in town for the past couple of days. Which has been most excellent of course. We went to qwest field to see him for the afternoon talk. Were walking into the outer court yard and there are a couple of men standing in the street yelling about jesus and god. Obviously those that know me, know I have absolutely nothing against anyone that is christian. My question is what do they think that they are going to achieve by standing on buckets holding huge signs and shouting at us about jesus ? Unless you were born under a rock and live in a cave you know full well who jesus is. I saw them and they appear to be well to do intelligent men. The clothes they were wearing were decent. Not too expensive and not rags either. Their hair was well kept and trimmed neatly. Yet they have these big hand made signs on sticks with bible passages on them. Yelling at all of us about how jesus died for our sins and god is compassion etc. Do they really think that anyone there is going to just up and change their mind ? Just make some snap decision, that oh what I`ve been doing is wrong and this is right because you say so ? Knee jerk snap judgement reactionary converts really aren`t going to stick around for the long haul. So I think these people were really just being antagonistic to what was happening. Does it really make the whole proceeding better to insult other people and tell them that they are going to hell etc. ? Obviously I can and do appreciate the fact that this is a free country and these men do have the right to say whatever they want. I think it takes great courage to stand there and adamantly express your beliefs so vigorously. Who knows maybe they really do believe what they are saying and truly believe that their ideas and ideals really are the right way. I guess in a way one persons truth is another persons lies.

S.

intentions of deception …

de·cep·tion –noun
1. the act of deceiving; the state of being deceived.
2. something that deceives or is intended to deceive; fraud; artifice.

Obligitory thank you to dictionary dot com for the above definition. Your aware of a very important event that is coming in the future. You know who is coming and you when and where. You know who to get in contact with to ensure that you are able to attend the event. You know other people who will be there and how they are getting there as well. As the day moves closer to the event you still have chosen to do nothing. A week or so before the event you start a mad scramble to try and figure out some way to get yourself in. By this time the aforemetioned avenues of availability are closed. So trying the other possibilities. Those are closed as well. Finally coming down to the fact that you know some high profile people on a semi informal basis, your going to try to manuver you way into said event. By using deception. Pretending to be someone your not. Using a form of stealth to gain access. When being fully aware that the only person your fooling is yourself. Having asked others close to you if your real intentions are obvious, and being told point blank, yes. Yet still maintaining course, even knowing that everyone else around is fully aware of who and what you are. So you have to ask yourself again who are you fooling ? After a very long time of lying, cheating, and generally going against all precepts that were taken as serious, you have to wonder why ? Again knowing full well there really is nothing here to be gained. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own delusions of granduer and self deception, we loose track of who we are and why we even started down this road to begin with. Then the inevitable occurs the final crash down to the bottom. Everyone is gone and nothing is left. A broken shell of a person, all the potential, and everything going for you, its all gone and over. Your left confused and alone. Except you still have one thing that has never left, that was always there waiting for you to come back. You knew it would never leave, no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you desperatly wanted to believe. Deception.
S.

kings and pawns, emperors and fools …

In our society we have a way of making an exchange of goods and services using little pieces of colored paper. Now everyone knows what we have labeled these pieces of paper as. Lets not use that word for a moment and try an excercise in perception. You have a need and or desire to recieve some type of material or service. Yet for some reason you don`t recieve the service you need. Why ? Your concerned about how many pieces of paper you have available to you. How important are these pieces of paper ? Are they worth your life ? Most would answer no, quite emphatically. Really ? I think your lying. When you go home at night do you watch alittle t.v. ? Most people would say yes of course. We all know what is shown on this screen we stare at mindlessly. Images appear in rapid fire sequence to show you things you don`t really want or need. Yet after repeatedly seeing these images you deciede that yes, I do. It really doesn`t matter what you see on the screen. Trying to justify is of no value. You have decieded that this unnecessary object is more important than your personal well being. Why ? Someone else told you so. Right ? Right. I think you can see where I`m going with this. The question is why do you choose not to get a fair amount of sleep every night, not drink enough water, and constantly eat garbage ? Because someone told you to do these things. Sounds pretty pointless doesn`t it ? Before everyone gets all judgemental thinking that I am excusing myself here, think again. I used to do all that crap myself and still to this day do some of it. So don`t think I`m playing some sort of blame game. So isn`t it time to stop letting someone else tell you who you are and how to live your life ? We`ve all been programed to think we are someone were not. Yet we constantly do it to oursleves. Why ? Let`s take a first step, a small one, however a good one. Get a bottle, any kind will do, something you can easily carry. Put water in it. Drink the water throughout the day. When its empty refill it. When its lunch time, drink the water, not soda or coffee or anything else. Just plain water. Do this for a week, and stick to it. No cheating. Leave your loose change at home so the temptation is lessened. Don`t borrow money from your friends either. See how you feel after a week of drinking water. The human body needs sixty-four ounces of water everyday to function normally. I know you know, so why haven`t you been doing it ? Remember, your personal health is important. Change is good for you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programing. Shop as usual and avoid panic buying.
S.

dinner with two plates and one mouth …

I`ve always made a point of being honest and upfront with people I deal with. Weather on a momentary basis or long term. In the work enviornment you really have to be who you are. You spend fourty hours a week with these other people. They will get to know exactly who you are sooner than you like. Believe me. Of course as we know there is the ever turbulent and encompassing office drama. Or the water-cooler culture as it has come to be known here in the u$. Anyways point I`m getting to. We are all human beings (read – human doings) walking around on the planet living out our lives. Generally most people want the same things. Material comfort and someone special in their lives. Our thoughts and feelings are important and relevant to us etc. With the understanding that we are all generally the same, what makes anyone think that they actually have any real authority over anyone ? Does an illusory title really make anyone better ? Or actually give them some sort of power of control ? This is truly the veil of maya excercising its infulence. Or as I like to say self-dillusionment. Of course as the standard threats of force and violence and the gun at the head arguments come spewing forth like a typhoon of vomit, I can only say get a grip on yourself. Your ‘power’ only exists in a stationary building in a log book making note of it. Yet somehow people feel transformed that they are somehow different, or above others. So next time your standing in line at the bank, or grocery store and the old man with the head of cabbage and prune juice is holding up ‘progress’, try telling him that you are sir captain supreme-o muckety muck and he just needs to get out of the way, see how he responds. A great way to illustrate how influencial and permanent ‘power’ really is, is like this. Go to the beach, and grab a fistfull of sand. Squeeze your hand tighter, interesting thing happens, as you squeeze tighter the grains of sand fall between your fingers faster. There is a demonstration of power. Useless and ulitmately meaningless. A fatal flaw of our society is this, we are not based on mutual cooperation, instead coercive force.
S.